March, 2007
Issue 6

Tips for Men in Stepfamilies

In traditional biological families, men have been expected to be the wage earners, the heads of their families, and the disciplinarians. Meanwhile, women have been expected to serve as the emotional core, providing nurturing and affection to the family. Step families however, may have a very hard time functioning this way successfully, especially when it is premature.

Here are some tips to help men develop and become comfortable as husbands, fathers, or stepfathers.

• If you are a biological father married to a woman without children of her own, please be proactively involved in your children’s lives. Some men, uncomfortable with the responsibility they bore as single dads, literally ‘dump’ the caring for the children on the new wife as soon as (or before) they get married. The children feel emotionally abandoned, the stepmother becomes frustrated, and the man ends up blaming his wife for lack of caring, forgetting his part in this equation.


• If you are a man without biological children, married to a woman with children, assume your role as a stepfather gradually. Do not discipline (even if your wife begs you to) for about a year and a half. Building a relationship with the children is crucial to your stepfamily success. When you finally do discipline, it will be much more effective than if you had started before a positive relationship with the children was established.


• If both you and your wife are biological parents, continue to separately parent your own children for about 18 months. Use this time to stabilize your relationship with your biological children. Remember, your marriage is a major life transition that requires a major adjustment of all of you—one which may be filled with anxiety, fear, and hope. Also, develop a similar parenting style with your wife. It can greatly help in creating cohesiveness and clarity for your family.

The following groups are starting in May:

1. Smart Steps: a 6 week research based educational program for remarried or partnering couples, focusing on building a couple and family strength.

2. Surviving Divorce Successfully—end the isolation! This is a 10 week program to help you process and heal from your emotional divorce and find closure. Learn tools for successful relationships with yourself and others.

If you are interested in joining either—or, better still, both—contact me.

Spring is in the air. It is time for clearing our homes, minds, and hearts of old and useless stuff, so we can make room for new and exciting useful tools that will better serve us, our families, and our present needs.

Please e-mail me any topic suggestions or questions you have regarding your stepfamily.

Next Issue: Tips for Money Management

Upcoming Issues: Tips for Realistic Expectations & Tips for a Joyous Summer Vacation

Sign up for Yaffa's FREE, monthly, online newsletter: "Tips For Stepfamily Success"
Name:
Email:

Coming soon:

A Guidebook to a happy stepfamily life.



Want an easy way to grow and manage your opt-in e-mail list? Try aweber.com